Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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