Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
