I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
