There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
