i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
