THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
