Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
