...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
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