grandma shit on top of the toilet
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
