Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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