dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
