Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
