Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
