So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
