nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The feeling are messing with the penis
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize