Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
