I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize