I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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