my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize