and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
