"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i came on her dog
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
