Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
