Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
