The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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