I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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