I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
