i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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