Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
