Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
