im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
