I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
