I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
