you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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