I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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