tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She told me I should be a condom model.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
