i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize