oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
