I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
found the other keg... it's in the tree
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
