She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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