we're chasing vodka with high fives
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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