david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
