its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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