I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
