I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
