fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
