Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
