marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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