life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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