And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
