just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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