Having a random hookup so left but love u
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
