dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
