i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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