Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
