If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
