I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
