I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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