can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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