sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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