i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
