Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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