can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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