Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
