Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you inspire me to be a worse person
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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