i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
