i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I wear drunk well.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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