I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
