You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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